It Costs to Reach Maturity
by Power of the Pen12
Summary: Artemis passes away. With the help of Trouble, Holly copes. Bittersweet oneshot. Past A/H, H/T friendship. Rated for language and alcohol.


"Are you sure you're not coming?"

Holly's fingers dug gently into her armrests. "My decision hasn't changed since the last time you asked, Trouble."

"C'mon, it'll be fun!" Trouble insisted, looking oddly florescent on the monitor opposite Holly's desk. Damn faulty reception. "We both know Foaly won't be able to lay off the happy juice, and that's entertainment enough."

Trouble's heart couldn't help but lift as a bit of the seriousness left Holly's eyes. They shared a grin.

"I have a lot to do," Holly said, gesturing widely to her desk- piled with paperwork.

"So do I. It's Christmas, Holly. Take a break."

Holly's expression hardened at the word _break_. "I'll take a break when I'm finished doing what has to be done," she snapped.

"You're working yourself stupid, Short. It's been, what, four months? Try and relax for once," Trouble continued, leaning towards the camera as though it increased the level of intimacy. Holly bristled. "I'm worried about you."

"This has nothing to do with… go enjoy the party, Trouble, and please, don't bother calling again. I'm a bit sick of your concerns about my wellbeing."

He had gone too far, actually bringing it up. "I'm sorry, I know you're hurting—"

"That's the thing, I'm not!" Holly said in a clipped tone. "I'm perfectly all right, and now I'm starting to worry about _you_."

"You're acting like a fairy twice your age!" Trouble said exasperatedly.

"Then I've matured. Good for me. Bye, Trouble."

The connection was severed, though Trouble's worried eyes still danced in Holly's mind. She blew a strand of auburn hair from her forehead, flipping through the massive stack of paper in front of her. It would be a long night.

*********

Holly had had the entire night planned out, predicting every hour. It wouldn't be eventful; she would sit, she would work, and she would purposefully avoid any tragic thoughts while composing herself for the day to come. It was how she had spent many a night for the past few months.

What she hadn't expected was Trouble Kelp arriving at her office doorway, bearing a bottle of elfin wine with a ribbon tied round the top.

"No," Holly said simply. "Goodbye, Commander."

"Don't use that word here," Trouble demanded with a grin. "It's neither the time nor the place."

"We're at work. Doing work. I'd say it's both the time _and_ the place."

"Well, I'm not working. It's Christmas. I'm here to celebrate with my dear coworker."

Holly's eyes became steely. She rose from her desk, effectively wiping the grin from Trouble's face.

"Why is it so hard for you to leave me alone?" she asked. Trouble took a tentative step into the room.

"Because you've suffered a great loss, and are coping with it terribly," Trouble said. "He was a friend. He passed away. Either mourn or move on, because you've accomplished neither."

"I'll be mourning the rest of my life," Holly growled, stepping away from her desk. Prim, high-heeled shoes clicked menacingly as she approached her alcohol-toting superior. "Artemis was everything for so many years… I've got nothing. Trying to fill that void with work isn't only helping, but taking my mind off worse subjects."

"You don't have to mourn forever. How's about you break down tonight, face the pain you've repressed so thoroughly, then carry on with life?"

"How's about you march out of here this instant?"

Trouble closed the gap between them, grasping her shoulder and trying his best to see past Holly's new coldness. She crossed her arms, glaring stubbornly.

"Hey, do you remember when we went to that bar together after Julius died?" Trouble said purposefully, ignoring her prominent flinch. "You spent the night downing drinks you couldn't even pronounce and crying on my shoulder. The next day, you felt better than you had in months. Well, after you recovered from the hangover."

"It was a mistake," Holly quipped.

"Everybody makes mistakes." Trouble dangled the bottle tantalizingly in front of her. "It's healthy. Besides, we don't just have to drink. It's possible to talk to me sober- even dance, or laugh, or generally have a good time."

Holly raised an eyebrow, snatching the bottle. "Did you bring glasses, or are we going to drink this stuff like goblins?"

***************

At first, Holly refused to touch her glass. Trouble poured them both a generous amount of the dark, violet liquid, yet only his glass bore fingerprints after an hour. They chatted while appropriate holiday music played softly in the background; it was pleasant, though Holly was aggravatingly tense.

"The reason I gave you a glass is so you would drink," Trouble reminded her after a while. His friend shrugged.

"I'm not thirsty."

"That's not the reason most people drink." He guided the glass into Holly's limp hand. "Take a sip; ease your nerves. The Gods know you deserve it."

Holly observed the glass appraisingly. With a final disapproving look at Trouble, she tipped the wine upward. It was gone in an instant.

"Bottoms up," Trouble said softly, refilling her glass.

****************

"He was more than a friend," Holly murmured, arms wrapped loosely around Trouble's shoulders. They sat on the floor, propped up against Holly's desk.

"He had to be, after all you guys went through," Trouble responded fairly.

Holly laughed; it was an easy sound, though bitter. "So many stupid years… the range of emotions that man extracted from me seemed endless. We traveled through time and space and never destroyed that awkwardness that was always there."

"Amen." The two clinked glasses, drinking deeply and reaching for the bottle. Trouble frowned.

"You ready to talk yet? 'Cause this stuff is good, but if your tongue gets much looser, it'll fall clean off."

"I _am_ talking," she said, eying the wine sloshing about in her glass. "Talking nonstop."

"I want you to open up completely. You're saying basic stuff."

"You're perceptive when drunk," Holly commented, smiling.

"I'm not really drunk. Neither are you, I don't think. The wine's not that strong."

"Ah, D'arvit," Holly sighed. "You got anything stronger?"

"No, and if I did, I wouldn't let it near you. I want you to be relaxed, not passed out," Trouble said, leaning back against the desk.

"Fine," Holly pouted. "You want me to open up? I'll tell you everything you want to hear, and everything I need to get off my chest. But then it's over, all right?"

"Okay. Anything to get that serious look off your face every morning."

Holly's eyes swam with guilt. "Sorry. I know I've been odd lately, but… it was _Artemis_."

"I know."

"Artemis Fowl!" Holly whispered disbelievingly. "The human who had won out against every possible enemy- dead. Finished. It was chilling."

"Still is, I think."

"I mean, how could he _die_?" Holly plowed on. "Doesn't see possible. But then Juliet called on the communicator all upset…"

Trouble nodded. He wasn't really needed in the conversation, but he stayed anyway.

"I liked him," Holly said with a hitch in her throat. "You knew, right?"

"Everyone knew," Trouble chuckled. Holly gave him a pained smile.

"Of course they did. But he didn't… not really. We had a chance, and I blew it."

"You never had a chance."

Trouble regretted saying this immensely. Holly's expression was suddenly laden with anguish, tears budding at the corners of her eyes.

"I know," she muttered after a moment. "But we could've had… something, maybe. If you forget the age difference, or the _species _difference, or- everything, I guess- it could've happened. It almost did."

"You kissed." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Holly sighed. "Then he had lied, so I decided to terminate the option. Years passed, and nothing happened again… we wanted it to, but shyness is a bitch. Plus, I was terrified it'd destroy our friendship, not to mention our livelihoods."

"How old was he?"

"Eighty-seven," Holly recited automatically. "But he didn't look it. He was just wiser, that's all."

Trouble disagreed. He had seen Artemis's youth fade, and the human had shown his age. Though he had aged gracefully.

A smile curved the corners of Holly's lips, slowly growing in size until she laughed softly. Trouble tightened his hold around her shoulders.

"What's so funny?" he murmured. Holly shifted in his arms until their eyes met; hers were full of the bitter understanding she had refused to show for months. A tear made its way down her cheek.

"Through everything, I always held this absurd hope that everything would turn out all right," Holly said. "That, somehow, it'd work out for us. And even though I knew Artemis for decades, watched him grow too old to pursue a relationship with me, that one absurd hope never extinguished, because I was naïve and in love. Now that hope is dead, and it's weird, knowing that it's over. I feel infinitely more mature… and unhappier than I've ever been."

Holly's voice never wavered as she spoke, but as she became quiet again, tears cascaded down her face. She pressed herself mutely against Trouble, embracing his hug and letting her grief take control. Trouble kissed her hair, keeping his friend close.

"You want to go see him?" Trouble said quietly. Holly pulled away from Trouble's jacket, confusion clouding her streaming eyes. "Shuttles are generally closed around the holidays, but I could pull a few strings. You know you need closure."

"Maybe I don't want closure," she said stubbornly, brushing the dampness from her face. Seeing Trouble's scornful expression, she grumbled, "Yes, I need it, but… I'm scared, I guess."

"Don't be."

Holly searched Trouble's face. She wasn't so scared anymore.

*********

You'd think, after so many years, Holly would have learned to navigate through a woodsy path while invisible; she tripped a number of times, nervousness magnifying clumsiness. Every snap of a broken twig was loud as a gunshot to Holly's ears. She repeatedly glanced about, positive someone else was there in the graveyard with her.

Tombstones littered the ground, outnumbering the frost-coated leaves buried under a thin layer of snow. Holly's heart jumped every time her eyes found a name engraved on a headstone, but none bore the name she sought.

Snow crunched beneath her feet. It was a beautiful scene laid out before her; the white powder topped each shaped stone perfectly, glittering under a sliver of sun. The picture was too beautiful, considering its landscape. Holly was walking among the deceased. Many humans had no doubt come to this very place to shed a few tears and remember their beloved. It was a place of release, but that did not make it beautiful.

And then she had found it; just across a slender footpath stood a polished grave bearing the name _Artemis Fowl_. Holly crossed her arms, shivering from the hated cold, and took a wary step forward.

She crossed the space between herself and the tombstone far too quickly. Soon Holly stood before it, staring fixedly at the ground. _Artemis is down there_, she thought in amazement.

Not knowing exactly what one does when visiting a deceased loved one, Holly cleared her throat. "Hi, Artemis."

The grave remained solemnly silent. Suppressing the thought that talking to stone was more than a bit idiotic, she continued. "It's Holly- Short. Well, obviously. It's not like you know another Holly."

She kicked the frozen dirt. "I don't know why I'm here. I guess I needed to be. I didn't go to the funeral… sorry about that." Artemis's tombstone didn't seem particularly angry. "I just… I can't believe you're dead, Artemis," Holly said numbly. "Actually, that's a lie. I _can_ believe you're dead- the proof's in front of me- but what I really can't believe is that I'm still alive, when you're gone.

"My life seemed to revolve around you since you were twelve. I couldn't go through a day without worrying about you, though for the first few years I worried for the sake of the people around you." She smiled. "I'm not going to give you a speech… D'arvit, I'm talking to dirt! But, what I mean to say is…"

Words failed her. She knelt, now at eye level with Artemis's name carved in the polished stone. Snow soaked her knees.

"I love you." Holly weighed the words in her mouth; she had often thought of telling Artemis this, and now that it was too late, the phrase felt meaningless. "It doesn't really matter now, but I just thought I'd let you know. I wonder if you loved me, too?"

Holly brushed the snow from the top of Artemis's grave. The flakes melted on contact with her skin. She traced the rounded edge of the stone, back up to the curved top, over Artemis's name along with the date of his death.

"Why did you have to grow old, Arty?" she sighed. "I need you. Come _back_."

A microscopic _thud_ could be heard as a single tear fell upon the hardened dirt. Holly wouldn't break down; she had decided that descending into a full-blown meltdown would hurt more than help.

Holly pressed her forehead against the icy stone. She let memories of herself and Artemis flood her mind, though it caused a colossal heartache. After a moment's painful remembrance, Holly collected herself, rising from the snow and brushing off her kneecaps. She couldn't help but stare wistfully at the tombstone, wishing that the man lying beneath the earth would once again be filled with life.

"I'll visit," she promised. "You know I can't do without you."

And, with that, Holly took to the skies, heart lighter and fuller than it had been in years.


End file.
